Three.

FIRST THING IS FIRST: BEST/WORST NEWS OF THE WEEK/EVER.

BEST NEWS: Zoey and Ben tied the knot on Saturday, quite possibly setting the world up for the most orgasmically indie family to ever have existed. Verdict: Ben knows how to keep the future population wonderful.

WORST NEWS: Death Cab For Cutie's new single "Meet Me on the Equinox" is going to be the lead single from Twilight's "New Moon" which could possibly ruin the lives of every fan Death Cab has ever accumulated (EVEN the ones that got interested from watching The O.C). Verdict: Ben knows how to fuck over and sell out the current population. Wonderful.

This is why I don't get annoyed by things as easily as most of my friends, because I can't ALLOW myself to. Because Twilight killing Band of Skulls and Muse was slightly irritating, but my favorite band ever (aside from The Beatles)? Give me time to cry, please.

I WONDER WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO NAME THEIR CHILD.
They could either go prophetic or inanimate like Chris Martin and Gwenyth Paltrow. Or they could go ghetto locale like Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson.
As long as they're not fucked in the head like Jason Lee (Father of child, Piolet Inspektor Lee.)
OMGZ, LYK, MAYBE THEY'LL NAME IT BELLA OR EDWARD.
Please, don't, Benzy, save those names for all the pregnant sixteen year olds out there.

In other news, I am absolutely positively a fan of Lush.
They really do sell the best shit in the world, EVEN if it is rather expensive. For example, I bought a $3 bar of "soap" called Sex in the Shower, which is wonderful if you enjoy aphrodisiacs and jasmine. It's really a bar that you put on the shower floor and it foams when the water hits it, creating an amazing aroma...which, is very true.
But the shit dissolves like it's Easter and I had to take it out after a few minutes because it would have been gone. So, really...it's three dollars a shower.
BUT IT'S STILL SO WORTH IT.

So I found out a few things this week:
A. I'm one of the worst students ever.
B. Beatles Rockband is SLIGHTLY overrated ONLY in the sense that they don't give you enough songs (other than that, it's everything anyone could ever dream of).
C. The Emmy's is more biased than the Civil Rights movement ever was.
D. If you're poor, it is not good to live right near North Shore Mall.
E. I miss Bea Arthur.
F. Verizon has shitty phones, (env2) yes, HOWEVER, they obviously care the most about getting you out of a jam if you're ever stuck under the wreckage of a crashed car, because it seems like everyone else I know who doesn't have Verizon DOESN'T EVER GET SERVICE.
G. Providence, Rhode Island is wonderful.
H. Inglorious Bastards has the best ending to any film I've ever seen in my entire life.
I. I would rather get 20 doctors notes than $1,000.
J. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.


Yesterday, at counciling, the therapist that I was given this year said the best thing I've ever heard anyone say in a time of advice (which, as I learned in psych class, is unprofessional to give, but I love that this guy doesn't follow that rule because I love advice-as I can NEVER make a decision). I told him about how at 2:30 in the morning, after keeping my roommates up playing Rockband, and talking with one of them for an hour, I was on my way to bed (as I had to get up at 7) and instead found a pile of paper plates, which we then decided to turn into faces describing our moods to tape outside of our doors for all to know.

This one, for example, is my favorite plate. Too bad, it seems that I'll NEVER end up using it.

My therapist, after hearing my life story decided to tell me that "There will always be hard things to adapt to, and when you go home, there are going to be lots of paper plates and Rockband, but you still need to learn to focus."
It was just the way he said it.
The man, honest to God is exactly like Josh from Drake & Josh, but more handsome.

Today, I skipped classes-but I'm going to spend it catching up. We concluded that I absolutely feed off of anxiety, and when I don't receive due dates, I don't get anxious. So he told me that he'd treat me like shit if I didn't do my homework by next session.
I love it when people boss me around.

I thought it was wonderful that yesterday, in the writing center, a girl needed help with her paper about the history of the avocado. Apparently, her composition teacher wants an essay about the history of a food they enjoy. Not only is that an awkward, but much better than most prompts I've seen from Comp 101 assignment, the girl is also amazing for picking what could possibly be the best food in the world.

Until next time!
xo

Two.

So I've been back at school and it's been a blast with the exception of having to put back guacamole at Market Basket because I didn't have enough money on my card. Not only was that embarassing in general, but it happened at a Market Basket.

So I know this is quite possibly old news, but I don't care because I just thought of it today and how wonderful it really is.
So I hate a lot of things in life. And normally, I have to keep my opinions to myself. I don't. But...I should. Luckily, it seems to me that one thing I detest happens to be the general consensus for not only my friends, my peers, most strangers I meet, but a lot of influential/loud people in the media too:
Speidi.
Heidi Montag first of all...doesn't know how to be a good friend, which the majority of our youth learned when she screwed over her former BFF. Lauren "LC" Conrad on The Hills.
Now, I don't really give a shit about The Hills, but I do respect Miss Conrad because A. She was on the cover of an issue of CosmoGirl I was featured in, B. She's classy and C. She doesn't care about MTV and just wants to move on and work in the fashion industry and D. she isn't a slut.
I don't appreciate people who mooch off of friends for fame and then go off and annoy the rest of society. I'm pretty sure EVERYONE on reality television is annoying as is. Heidi shouldn't think she's good enough to infest the rest of the world, especially CNN.
I laughed really hard when she tried to make a CD that flopped, even harder when her boyfriend turned husband, Spencer Pratt made a home video of her on the beach which was SUPPOSED to be a music video which was ridiculed, ridiculously hard when Anchor Blue pulled the plug on her "Heidiwood" clothing line, thus smashing her "I want to be like Lauren!" dreams, then I was rendered speechless that her level of idiocy could reach as far as it has when her and Spencer flipped out on "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here!" exclaiming about how they shouldn't be on an island because they're beyond that, and angered when they begged the networks to let them back on the island. Now I'm chuckling once more because Heidi performed at a Miss Universe pagaent.
I wouldn't normally know that this happened, but because I watch CNN (and more specifically, Anderson 'havemybabiesplease' Cooper), I now know that the world...really is on my side.

This video is absolutely exemplary of why A. CNN is truth and B. Anderson Cooper is a perfect human being.

Afterwards, Spencer attacked with "I don't know why he'd talk about someone that he doesn't even think exists."
The best little jab afterwards was most definitely when Heidi was being interviewed, the interviewer kindly said she didn't like the outfit...when asked who designed it...all Heidi could say was, "Me."

There are two things I want to say.


One: I'm really glad that if it one day comes to our country having to make a human sacrifice in order to save our population from the apocolypse (or maybe more realistically, someone to be exiled to live elsewhere) we would pick Speidi.
Not only because they typify absolutely everything I hate about high school couples, reality television, skin toned facial hair, and stupidity, but apparently, they already know how to survive in the wilderness:



Two: As much as I would have Anderson Cooper's babies, it wouldn't only be for their ability to talk truthfully about the issues we're faced with, but I'd want them to be able to fly.

DON'T TELL ME THE RESEMBLANCE ISN'T UNCANNY.
( Sam the Eagle from the Muppets & Anderson Cooper)
See? This is a Coop d'hot.

In other news, I've been really hooked on looking at MSNBC's ten years in photos. I suggest you all sneak a peak at these. It will interest almost anybody. These photos were taken by people who just happened to be at the right place at the right time with a really good camera.

It has also spawned my hatred for the Northern Pike fish seen below in this picture taken by Jim Lavrakas of the Anchorage Daily News in 2001 with a swallowed yet, still alive Rainbow Trout stuck inside of him (This is totally my wallpaper at home). What I like about it best (it's picture 11 if you're looking at the slideshow which you should TOTALLY do) is the epic caption written next to it saying:

"After being swallowed, a rainbow trout fingerling peers out from the gullet of a northern pike Jan. 22 in a lobby aquarium exhibit at the Alaska Department of Fish & Game in Anchorage, Alaska. The agency declared "open season" on the illegally transplanted trout-killing, salmon-slaying northern pike in local waterways."

I am absolutely now a fan of MSNBC's fine, descriptive journalism.
"trout-killing, salmon-slaying northern pike"
I can just see the man who wrote these captions breaking several keyboards. Maybe he has a fondness for the rainbow trout. Maybe his father was killed by a Northern Pike (they are meaninglessly harmful).
If by any chance, you ever see one and catch it, by the way, wikipedia advises to immediately chop off its head.

Wow, maybe wikipedia and MSNBC should team up and write a piece on Speidi.
THAT would be wonderful.


And finally, today is 09/09/09. Which is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and play:

BEATLES ROCKBAND

Which is not only the greatest game ever made, but comes with exact replicas of their instruments. The one thing that pisses me off, as an occasional gamer is once more the neglect for older systems like PS2 which are honestly still good and not nearly as antiquated as the original Play Stations or Nintendos.

So not only will I either be forced to upgrade or play at a friends' for Beatles Rockband, but I'll also be missing out on Rockstar North's new installment of Grand Theft Auto: The Ballad of Gay Tony.

Oh well. Until next time, happy living!
xo

One.

Usually, the first entry of a blog is pertinent to either A. "HELLO, MY NAME IS ___. NICE TO MEET YOU." or B. "I AM GOING TO JUMP RIGHT IN AND IGNORE THAT THIS IS MY FIRST AND KEEP ON GOING WITH THE FLOW AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED." Incidentally, this is how I feel about virgins.
I'd rather tell you why it is that I named this particular blog, The Avocado Blogs.

It all started Sunday night when I got together with some old neighborhood friends. They insisted on watching multiple episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians all to inevitably climax to the epic premiere of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. It was during one of these episodes, Khloe Kardashian (my favorite, personally) was seen eating a monstrous salad which I then began to crave.
What does one do when they want a salad so big, health and good morality punches you in the face?
They go to The Cheesecake Factory, the nicest restaurant chain in all of humanity.
With a menu so large, it requires its pages to be numbered, I was immediately excited when I saw this floating around a catering advertisement.
Lo and behold, the avocado egg roll. The waiter was even elated at my elation, and my date for the evening agreed that nobody that I have ever met has a fondness for the avocado quite like I. His response was, "Jackie, you love avocado so much, you should blog about it. Yeah, yeah, and call your blog 'The Avocado Blog." to which I responded, "Hah, I will!"
And there we have it, folks, The Avocado Blog, a blog about any and everything I deem pretty neat and interesting, where somewhere inside there may be a tidbit involving my latest experience with an avocado.
Any new readers can comment about whatever it is they want, as long as, for their first comment, they say anything (even negative, but I might frowny face) they desire about avocados, be it a recipe, a cool trick, an awkward childhood experience, or "I've never tried it, but okay." or even, "Hey, I get guacamole at Chilis sometimes, is that cool?" Sure it's cool.
Cool as a cucumber? Nay, cool as an avocado.

So, stemming off of my love for The Cheesecake Factory, I must also assure you of my love for that which is CBS's The Big Bang Theory, which will be going into its third season on September 21st. With the apartment-esque bonds seen in Friends, the cliquy, bewildering yet immaculate friendships found in Seinfield, the boyish humorisms from That 70s Show and the wonderful intellectual witticisms of Frasier (mixed with Discovery Channel..and maybe the MENSA society), The Big Bang Theory is perfect.
Except for one thing.

Penny, played by 8 Simple Rules's Kaley Cuoco is wonderfully bright, cute, and charismatic. Penny is from Omaha, Nebraska and has come to New York seeking fame but unfortunately finds herself in a one person apartment across from two physicists and working as a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory.

Okay, people, incase you've never been inside one, THIS is The Cheesecake Factory:



This is a scene from when the fellows in The Big Bang Theory come to visit Penny at work:


They do not have a "Bacon Lover's Pizza" at the Cheesecake Factory FIRST OF ALL, and secondly, they do NOT require their workers to wear heinous mustard yellow sweater vests.

This, and only this is my strike against The Big Bang Theory. You don't HAVE to write in that her character works at The Cheesecake Factory; it isn't essential. If this is the best set you can afford, then just have it be a simple small town diner-esque place, or, shit, Denny's.
Okay, okay, I'll compromise at Ground Round.

In other news, my phone has gone to absolute, complete shit. I am the not even remotely proud owner of the ENV2, which is the most terrible excuse for a phone in the world. I'm this close to hyperbolizing its incompetence by saying, "I'd rather have a Nokia!" I've had it for fourteen months. After six, it started shutting off randomly, and after eight, it stopped sending me all of my texts messages when they were originally sent. It likes to type whatever it wants to instead of what my fingers tell it to, and just today, the entire face stopped responding to anything, and my texting completely seized.
So because it's two months past "warentee" which I HAD NEVER HEARD OF, I have to pay $50 for a new one.
Too bad I can't text or I'd simply sit down, shut up and wait in the wings for the best news I've heard all day:
iPHONE and VERIZON may GET IT ON.
Everyone knows the iPhone is the best phone, and Verizon is the best carrier.
This is like the time Zooey Deschanel said she was going to marry Ben Gibbard.

Everyone knows that Perfect and Perfect go together.
God, why can't there be an app for THAT?





This concludes my time at the moment!
Until next time,
<-Admire this.
Or listen to what I've been listening to ALL DAY!!